✌️ Email Edit

Email outreach is hard.

Many times you’ll spend an obscene amount of time crafting what you think is the perfect email…that never gets a response.

It sucks.

But I’m going to help you suck less.

So we're going to review a few simple tactics today.

We’ll do this by looking at a rewrite I did with an AM who asked me for help with an email she created for an upcoming webinar.

Let’s get started.

The Original

Below is the original.

Let’s start with the positives.

It’s fairly short and to the point and if any of the “benefits” she mentions are top of mind - I may be interested.

But here are some of the things that immediately stood out as areas we could improve.

1. The Subject Line

Even if “200% more candidates” is true - I don’t believe it. The stat feels unbelievable and may have even caused me to hit “delete” before reading the rest of the email.

2. Lead with Product

Nobody cares about your product. Only the problems it can solve.

3. Gave it all away

She didn’t create any curiosity. She told me exactly what the webinar was all about and there was even a PDF 1-pager on the product attached.

The Rewrite

Now let’s break down the rewrite.

1. Boring Subject line

I’m not trying to fire off any mental spam filters. “Upcoming Dates” is simple and creates a subtle curiosity for the recipient.

2. Leveraged the Herd-Mentality

Everyone wants to know what their competition is doing. So use it to your advantage. Noticed I started with a problem NOT my product.

3. Spark curiosity by teasing a solution

If the goal is for your reader to want to know more or take some type of action. (like registering for a webinar) Create curiosity by teasing a solution.

The Result?

Not only did she drive more attendees for the webinar and is now working on a few more top-of-funnel opportunities - but she was also getting responses like this:

This was from a CEO who had never given her the time of day before.

Curiosity sparked.

TL;DR

1. Keep your Subject lines short and simple

2. The Herd Mentality is powerful when paired with a common problem your buyer is facing

3. Spark curiosity and tease a solution to compel the reader to want to know more

That’s it for this week.

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You can check past issues here. ✌️