Confused

Here’s what we’ll cover:

• How to turn a prospecting email from confusing to clear

Estimated reading time: [2 min and 41 sec] 

Story Time

A few weeks ago, a LinkedIn connection asked if I’d help with a referral to a colleague.

They offered to send an email I could forward.

“Sure” I said, “send it over”

However, when I got the email, there was a problem.

It was confusing and I had no idea what his company did.

He made a mistake many sellers make when writing emails:

Trying to impress vs. being clear.

Let’s look at our email exchange and how we turned his message from confusing to clear.

Email 1:

Hello Keith, 

ABC Inc, successfully redesigned ESPN's platform, demonstrating our ability to enhance complex systems. Our expertise can benefit Bullhorn's engineering team as they recently launched Bullhorn Copilot, a new AI solution. With our proven track record, we can ensure seamless integration of Copilot Starter's generative AI capabilities into recruiters' ATS/CRM, supporting Bullhorn's goal of innovation and excellence in the staffing and recruitment industry.

While this is just one use case, we have the expertise to overcome performance and scalability challenges in engineering and design to power the recruitment life cycle from start to finish. 

Here is the link to learn more about us and explore case studies featuring Disney+, ESPN, and Nasdaq: link to pitch deck.

Eager to hear your thoughts.

My Initial Feedback:

Thanks for the note and sharing the template. 

My feedback is, I’m not sure what problem(s) you solve.

The template is hard for me to understand what you’d help them with.

For instance, our Copilot solution is already integrated into our ATS/CRM.

He gets hundreds of outreach - so need to be sure what you offer is a good fit.

Email V2:

Hello Keith,

As the SVP of Engineering, Mike Smith might be interested in how our team at ABC Inc. can help solve challenging, long-term engineering problems and build cutting-edge tech products.

At ABC, Inc. (HQ's in SF), we assemble a team of top-notch engineers, solution architects, designers, and product experts who excel in solving long-term engineering problems. This allows us to build truly cutting-edge tech products, at scale.

Having the support of our global team and leveraging our expertise and experience working on tough engineering challenges with some of the biggest names in the industry - Nasdaq, Disney+, ESPN, you would be able to focus even more on empowering your customers and communities, knowing that complex engineering tasks are handled seamlessly.

My Feedback on Email V2:

I’m still a bit lost (probably because I’m not your ICP haha)

Explain it to me like I’m a 5 year old.

Are you essentially an outsourced engineering firm?

Taking on projects that the team can’t get to because of bandwidth or expertise?

He confirmed I was right, so I shared how I might rewrite:

The Rewrite:

Keith,

Glad we’ve been able to connect on LinkedIn.

Any idea if BH ever uses outside engineering teams to help with bandwidth issues, or expertise with special projects?

I realize this is outside of your wheelhouse and most likely falls under Mike Smith.

If you’re unsure, any chance you’re open to forwarding this message to him?

If you don’t feel comfortable, totally understand.

Hoping to throw our name in the hat for the next time there’s a need if you do.

Thanks in advance.

The Result?

A response in 2 min.

“I think we've got enough active contract firms at the moment, so we should be good.  Thanks though!”

Now, you might be thinking:

“Well, he didn’t get a meeting so your email didn’t work.”

But that wasn’t my intent.

The intent was:

• See if we ever use outside contractors

• See if there’s a current need

• Get on his radar

Mission accomplished.

The good news:

We use competitive options.

The not-so-good news:

• The timing is off (no current need)

• My colleague doesn’t yet know this seller (no trust yet)

This is where the majority of prospects fall.

So as a seller, you must continue to educate and add value over time, which solves #2 and puts you on the radar for when #1 changes.

Hope this was helpful.

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